SPORTS NEWS
The felney swifts football club's match against Burwell united ended in a crushing 13-5 defeat...for felney. The teams manager, Brian twatt said that "Well the team where just falling about most of the time, maybe because we are a team based in a pub and the local branch of alcholics anonymous recommened people join our team,so its a recipie for disaster really" asked if his team had had ANY sucess he added on an optimistic note "Well, due to our team and most of our fanbase being violent alcoholics, we do claim many victories in the after-match fighting". At this pont the interview had to be cut short as brian picked up an old axe handle and charged into a nearby fight crying "COME ON THEN! LETS 'AVE SOOOOME!"