Internet Edition - 20th December 2009


By G.Ettingboredofthis

Fresh criticism hit the disastrous guided bus scheme last night, after it emerged that the busway has not been built using concrete and steel but playdoh and dry spaghetti.

The Guided bus has had a long and controversial history. To begin with it won out over actually sensible schemes such as re-opening the railway line. Fresh controversy hit the scheme when it went over budget, was delayed multiple times and surveyors discovered it had been built on a flood plain.

There were calls for an inquiry after it emerged that the busway had been built on the cheap by cowboy builders who had since dissapeared. Taxpayers especially demanded to know where all the extra money had gone. Councillor Wilson Pratt, speaking from the back of an open rolls royce into a solid gold microphone whilst dressed in a tailored Italian suit, attempted to calm thier fears.

"We have every confidence in the integrity and security of the busway" he said. "Despite minor setbacks such as floods, cows straying onto it, chavs using it as a moped racing track, cars turning down it and getting stuck, lorries involved in it's construction getting stuck and the guidance system on test buses failing we hope to have the system up and running by Spring 2010".

The public are not yet convinced. According to a Herald poll support for the project among the average people of Cambridge sank to 0% from previous heights of 3%.

An artist's impression of the opening of the Busway.

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