“I think it’s
disgusting. I’d never let my children
read that filthy trash.”
Gladys
Flump,
The
Flint Journal
“It’s refreshingly cheeky,
with a deliciously twisted sense of British moral outrage…a worthy successor to
the likes of Andy Capp.”
Humbert Pocklington,
The Flushing Flame
“I don’t get it.”
Cal
Thomas,
The
Colon Conservative
“It’s okay if Cal doesn’t
get it. What do you want from a man who
voted for Bush?”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“Molly Ivins is an
idiot.”
Cal
Thomas,
The
Colon Conservative
“Crap! One hundred and ten percent crap! The drawings depicting perverted sexual acts
are those normally associated with either locker-room humor or public restroom
graffiti. I say ban this filth from our
society! I say let’s start looking for
weapons of mass destruction in England!”
George Leroy Tirebiter,
The Grand Rapids Gazette
“I, for one, consider Felney
to be a thinking-man’s satire on the status quo in Britain. The multi-layered themes, if one reads
between the lines, depict a moving panorama of repressed emotions,
caste-suppression, and “quiet desperation” in typical English life.”
Horace
Hormonger,
The
Traverse City Tattler
“Horace has never
been outside Traverse City. He wouldn’t
know an Englishman from a giraffe.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“That bitch.”
Horace
Hormonger,
The
Traverse City Tattler
“From a purely
socio-political perspective, Felney is clearly a left-wing liberal
entity bent on destabilization of conservative western values, morals, and
civilization. Its anti-reactionary and
inflammatory pitch to the more liberal elements in American society should be
countered with reasonable arguments and alternative approaches. That is why I advocate burning the author at
the stake.”
Alexander
Git-Belch,
The
Tawas Trumpet
“In order to appreciate the
subtleties of the underground comic strip Felney, one must delve into
the psyche and character of the Englishman.
In my estimation, this author has the mind of a mentally underdeveloped
frog, and should probably be committed to an institution.”
Dr.
Simon Shitehead,
The
Manistee Herald
“Dr. Simon Shitehead’s review of Felney proves once again why he should retire to a duck farm, having exhibited evidence he’s a quack.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“The filth and pornography
depicted on the Felney website can only be described as the work of the
Devil. As an ordained Minister in the
Worldwide Church of God (and Baptismal Carwash), I can only pray that the young
man finds solace in God, and a pure and redemptive life amongst Our Lord’s
Children. You are LOST, young man,
LOST!”
Reverend Billy-Bob Hotgass,
The Tittabawassee Times
“The only things
lost around here are Billy-Bob’s marbles.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“Felney graphically
depicts one of the most deviate and depraved elements of the increasingly
decadent English society. I believe
it’s time we, as the world’s only remaining superpower, cast off the parasitic
has-been colonialists like England and France.
Countries that don’t drop to their knees and worship us because of
something we did for them 60 years ago ought to be trampled underfoot like the
third world low-rent districts they are.
If these people can’t appreciate that fact that they owe their
collectively pathetic existence to us, then they ought to just go back where
they came from. They need to get it
through their incredibly dense, backward, arrogant, and thoroughly
unappreciative blockheads how great we are!”
Boris
von Piggfukker
The
Benton Harbor Bugle
“It’s not unusual
to misinterpret Boris von Piggfukker.
He has trouble with multi-syllable words.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“Anything Molly
Ivins says merely goes in one ear and out the other.”
Boris von Piggfukker
The
Benton Harbor Bugle
“That’s because,
in Boris’ case, there’s nothing in between his ears to slow it down.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“That bitch.”
Boris
von Piggfukker
The Benton Harbor
Bugle
“It is clear that the author
of Felney is a subversive element among those who value freedom. It is clear that he is a sick, twisted,
childish individual. It is clear that
Prime Minister Blair should shut him down, shut him off, and shut him
away. It is clear.”
Cal Thomas,
The
Colon Conservative
“It is clear that
Cal Thomas hasn’t had a blow job since 1963.”
Mike
Royko
The
Calumet Cavalier
“The message conveyed to the
free world by the latest panels of Felney (War and Peace in Iraq) is
that our armed forces of liberation have become engaged in a quagmire of
futility. Nothing could be further from
the truth. Felney is merely spit
in the ocean of liberty. The author
would be well advised: never pass on a good opportunity to shut up.”
Vitas Peritonitis
The Greektown News
“The same could be
said of Vitas Peritonitis.”
Art
Buchwald
The
Tawas Times
“Such drivel, as
expectorated by the leftist lampoonists such as Doonesbury and Felney
only serve to undermine the morale of our men and women in uniform, who
selflessly place their lives on the line in defense of the right to create such
works of subversion.”
Boris von Piggfukker
The Benton Harbor
Bugle
“As Boris stands tall at 1.52 meters, this topic, along with most others, goes right over his head.”
Art Buchwald
The
Tawas Times
“The author of Felney
claims the right of free speech. He
claims the right to whine about the local bigotry. We, in America, cannot deny him this. However, should he ever find himself in Michigan, we claim the
right to hang him.”
Chlamydia
Clappe
The
Ludington Lamplighter
“This young man, this author
of Felney…he is but a child, with a child’s jaundiced view that right
and wrong are always as distinct as black and white. It should be remembered, however, that his view represents an
insignificant minority, which will hopefully embarrass him greatly in another
twenty years…if he lives that long.”
Maynard
Buttpacker
The
Ortonville Observer
“I urge all freedom-loving
Americans to contact their State and Federal representatives. This potty-mouthed Brit should be banned
from all internet activity. Our
children should be protected from such perverted filth as Felney.”
Emma
Rhoide
The
Machinac Mercury
“Once again, Emma
demonstrates that she possesses and open mind.
She also possesses a hole in her head to prove it.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“That bitch.”
Emma
Rhoide
The
Machinac Mercury
“This young man does not
know the Word. He does not know the
Truth. He does not know the
Scriptures. He does not know the
Values. He does not know the Way. He does not know God. I pray that he will change. If he would only come into my church, I
would give him the personal attention and instruction he is so desperately
crying out for. I could give him the
hands-on spiritual tutoring he needs.”
Bishop
Peddy O’File
The
Houghton Lake Herald
“Seems to me it was the ‘hands-on’
approach that got the good Bishop in a little trouble back in 1994.”
Garth
Girth
The
Port Huron Peacemaker
“Asshole.”
Bishop
Peddy O’File
The
Houghton Lake Herald
“The paltry platitudes of
pastoral and prurient peasantry preaching a pathetic palate of pungent
potty-pies perfectly places the pixilated perpetrator on a pedestal of pus.”
Urethra
Franklin
The
Pontiac Provocateur
“Urethra
Franklin’s bovine blathering blows balloons for buffoons.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“That bitch.”
Urethra
Franklin
The
Pontiac Provocateur
“I can think of nothing more
damaging to freedom or family values, as we know them, than allowing the
unbridled mischief of left-wing propaganda such as Felney.”
Cal Thomas,
The
Colon Conservative
“If there’s anyone
in the world who can think of nothing, it’s Cal Thomas.”
Mike
Royko
The
Calumet Cavalier
“Felney is
why we kicked the British out in the first place.”
Angina
Snopps
The
Howell Heckler
“Maybe Felney
is why the British never wanted to come back.”
Art Buchwald
The
Tawas Times
“I find comic
strips such as Felney suitable for the rubbish bin.”
Boris von
Piggfukker
The Benton Harbor
Bugle
“I find editorials
such as Boris’ suitable for lining the bottom of a birdcage.”
Molly
Ivins,
The
Pinconning Picayune
“That bitch.”
Boris von
Piggfukker
The Benton Harbor
Bugle